


Anything Can Happen In The Woods

by Celebrate_the_irony



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Peter is a big old mess, Wade has morals all of a sudden, cheating au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 15:19:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7850185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celebrate_the_irony/pseuds/Celebrate_the_irony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“There’s no moment killer quite as strong as Judd Apatow.”</p><p>Or Peter and Wade are stuck alone together, the expected happens</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anything Can Happen In The Woods

**Author's Note:**

> I think I unintentionally made it sound like this is a smut fic, this isnt I'm sorry.  
> Based off of Any Moment from Into The Woods oddly enough.  
> This is the weird oneshot i mentioned earlier, i'm trying to get back into the flow of writing hence the weirdness.

“We could die at any moment.” Peter murmured dramatically.

“What do you mean we, white man?” Wade snapped back.

To be fair to Peter he had a point, they were in the middle of a typical Saving The World with The Avengers ™ mission. And at some point they had gotten separated from the main group and now were trapped in an exposed alley where this large Godzilla like alien could crush them at any moment. A typical Tuesday Wade would have thought, although apparently Peter didn’t seem to think so. Must have spent more time being the big CEO rather than Spiderman. Which was odd for Peter, the Peter that Wade knew and used to date would be saving their asses right now. Instead of what this Peter was doing, sitting against a dumpster waiting for death.

“Fuck off.” Peter’s snappy comeback left something to be desired.

“Ah this must be the trademarked Spiderman wit.” Wade remarked sarcastically.

“Why do you have to be such an asshole?” Peter groaned.

“You bring it out in me, darling. What can I say, it’s almost like being dumped for fucking Melancholia makes me bitter or something.” Wade said vaguely. Oh yeah, did Wade forget to mention? He got dumped for the fucking Cheerio high school sweetheart the second she came back to New York. Wade was even invited to their wedding a couple of weeks ago, Peter was just that thoughtful

“These are not what I want my final moments to be.” Peter said frankly. Wade couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

“I’m sorry you couldn’t be with your precious Peggy, I’m sure she’s at the salon thinking of you.” The sarcasm was practically dripping off him at this point. Suddenly Peter stood up, oh god if he’s going to try and start something Wade’s going to win. Wade has two years of pent up aggression about there was no way Peter could come out on top here.

“Can I kiss you?” Peter said as he peeled off his mask. Wade must have looked as flabbergasted as he felt because Peter rubbed his back of his neck as he went on to explain. “Well, it’s just I’m probably going to die here and if I do I want to die kissing you.”

Normally any common sense in Wade’s head, which was very little, would be telling him that Peter probably wasn’t going to die here unless he was really persistant about it. And also he was married, to the woman he left Wade for, possibly even cheated on him with her. However, all that was running through Wade’s mind was how he was looking at him with these vulnerable puppy dog eyes that he had the first time he admitted that he was in love with Wade. If Wade had any self-respect he would kick that thought out of his head and say no, but Wade hasn’t had any respect for himself since 1993.

So he rolled off his mask and kissed Peter, and it was glorious, it felt like coming home after ten years of escaping from witches, pirates and Cyclopes. But once the nostalgia wore off, and it wore off quick, the common sense finally made its appearance, Wade pulled himself away from Peter.

“This is ridiculous, what are we doing here? I’m in the wrong timeline.” Wade started to panic, Peter was quick to pull him back in by the back of the neck and kiss him again. Wade had to be the reasonable adult for the first time in his life and took a step away from Peter. “We can’t do this.” Wade said firmly.

“What do you mean?” Peter asked.

“You have a red head.” Wade said.

“Yes… yes I do.” Peter faltered.

“And I have… a dog now,” Wade said as though they were basically the same thing.

“You’re right, this is stupid.” Peter agreed as he looked away from Wade. They were silent for a moment. “But I think we’re allowed to be stupid in the face of a giant alien. In fact I can’t think of a better time to be stupid, can you?” Peter smirked as he closed the gap between them.  Wade only let him have a peck before he stepped back once again.

“No, no this isn’t right, Sarah Marshall.” Wade protested.

“There’s no moment killer quite as strong as Judd Apatow.” Peter replied dryly.

“No there’s no moment killer quite as strong as being the other woman… man. Look you cheated on me with her and I don’t want to return the favour, thanks but no thanks, John Tucker.” Wade threw his hands up in the air to protect himself from an incoming Peter, who looked very annoyed at something. Who knows what.

“I never cheated on you.” Peter said insulted.

“You only dumped me for her, that’s so much better.” Wade said bitterly.

“But I never ever cheated on you. I would never.” Wade had never seen Peter so insulted, if Wade didn’t suddenly have morals he would say it was kind of hot.

“So what do you call this?” Wade crossed his arms, deeply unimpressed with this entire situation.

“Marrying MJ… might not have been the best idea in the world.” Peter looked at the ground. Oh boy here we go.

“Oh really? How unexpected.” Wade was going to follow that up with a classic told you so but the look Peter gave him made him rethink that.

“She’s a great person and she’s a great friend… this is the first time I’ve been Spiderman since we got engaged, she doesn’t even know about this. She wants me to settle down, and at first I agreed with her. But I can’t do it.” Peter confided in Wade. “And she wants us to move away and I just can’t do this anymore I thought marrying her would make it easier.”

“So none of this has to do with an undying love of me, huh?” Wade was so annoyed at this point.

“Well…” Peter looked Wade in the eyes for the first time this whole conversation. He looked so lost, he had the strong look of someone way over their head. “I never wanted to leave you.” Peter admitted.

“Oh wow, a strong statement from the man who left me.” Wade remarked.

“Everyone told me you were bad for me all the time, even Aunt May held an intervention. I mean everyone liked you, they just didn’t like you with me. And I don’t know, I panicked. MJ called me and she thought I was single and I just ran with it. It was so easy being with her after you, it was like I was on autopilot. And Aunt May said to me that she didn’t want to say anything but she was so relieved I was over that ‘phase’. But I don’t want easy, I never wanted easy. I just wanted people to be happy with me, I wanted Aunt May to be happy with me.” Peter had started letting out something he’d obviously been holding in for quite some time. It was like watching a corpse flower blossom. Wade didn’t know what to think of it if he was being honest, he was slightly less unimpressed if anything.

“That’s great but who cares, you married her.” Wade said making a conscious effort to keep the bitterness out of his voice. Which, Wade would call progress by the way.

“I’ve made a huge mistake.” Peter looked at Wade as though he’d know the answer. Wade didn’t but it was nice that Peter had that much faith in him.

“What do you want us to run away together on a raft? We could make it to Kentucky by nightfall.” Wade was joking but he wasn’t sure if Peter realised this.

“Is it bad that I think that’s a good idea?” Peter said as he sat down and leaned against the dumpster. He looked defeated, that was the word Wade was looking for, he looked honest to god defeated by life. Wade sat down next to him and was surprised when he let Peter rest his head on his shoulder. “I’ve missed you.”

“You know, I should be over you by now.” Wade pointed out. It was bordering on sad just how quick three years’ worth of progress just flew out the window. “In fact, if this was a soap opera I’d be on my third husband by now.”

“Yeah it’s starting to feel awfully close to one though. I can’t believe I’m doing this again.” Peter put his head in his hands with a sigh.

“What?”

“Leaving someone for someone else. Possibly, if you even want my dumb ass back.”

“You’re a terrible person.” Wade said, and he meant it.

“I’m sorry I know. I should have known this was over.” Peter went to stand up. Wade grabbed his arm before he could.

“Luckily so am I.” Wade said, and he meant that too.

“Oh. Cool.” Peter smiled.

“I’m still mad at you. I’d just rather be mad at you up close than from a distance.” Wade said, that just made Peter smile even more, what a weird kid.

“Well now that I’m leaving my wife of two weeks, do you want to kick some alien ass?” Peter asked.

“I thought you’d never ask.”


End file.
